The Importance of Relationships

A Muslim Perspective

by Arshad Gamiet

Slough Town Hall, Slough, Berkshire, UK  Sunday 18^th April 2010

“Should we look up to the Government for everything or can strong family ties resolve our problems? How does faith in God, accountability and the life to come affect our relationships?”

A-oothu bilLaahi minash shaytaanir rajeem. Bismil-Laahir Rahmanir Rahim!

My dear friends, As-salaamu’alaykum, I greet you in the traditional Islamic way, which in Arabic means, Peace be with you!

Let me begin by saying that every major world faith promotes the Golden Rule, the ethic of reciprocity, of “doing unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Islam is no exception, and Prophet Muhammad taught us that “a Believer is not a Believer until he desires for others what he desires for himself.” Good, healthy human relationships begin with our attitude. Where do we place ourselves in relation to others, and in the wider scheme of things?

In the modern world, we live in a ‘me’ centred universe, where the Ego is king. We seem to have lost the balance between our personal self-interest and our communal wellbeing. Powerful economic forces are at work here. Media moguls spend millions pandering to our lowest instincts in order to sell their tabloids and to promote their political agenda. Politicians are more concerned with the next election that with the next generation. The advertisers, those hidden persuaders, deploy every trick they know, to massage our fragile egos. From billboards and TV to radio and print media, our senses are under constant bombardment: “It’s your life. It’s your choice, go on, spoil yourself, indulge yourself, because you’re worth it….” The adverts urge us to “unlock the equity in your home…” as if the equity is trapped in there, struggling to get out and so we can spend, spend spend… Billion-dollar industries exploit our greed, our human insecurities and our vanity. We’re constantly urged to buy things we don’t need, at a price we can’t afford, with money we don’t even have. We treat Planet Earth, the only home we and our future generations will ever know, as if it’s just a giant shopping mall orbiting the sun.

Our credit card debts in the UK are now over £1 trillion. We spend, spend, spend but somehow real, lasting happiness is as elusive as ever. Family life as we used to know it in more frugal times has become an endangered species. Teenage pregnancies, single parent families, high divorce rates, loneliness, poor mental health, alcohol and drug abuse, knife crimes and gang warfare tell us a sad story. No wonder our human relationships are in disarray. How can we mend our society?

Islam teaches me, as a Muslim, to put things into perspective. I cannot live in a ‘me’ centred way. Nothing really belongs to me, not even my own body. I came into this world with nothing and I will leave it with nothing except the result of my actions, good and bad. My life, my health, my family and all my material possessions have been loaned to me as a Trust. I am a trustee, and I must take good care of everything under my control. My generous Creator will hold me to account. This life is not all that there is. Death is not the final curtain. It’s only a transitional stage to another state of being. When I die, my body will turn to dust, decomposing into its constituent elements, the gases and liquids, the calcium and magnesium and carbon, returning to the earth whence it came. But my soul will not die. My soul is the real ‘me,’ that indestructible ‘breath of God’ that was inspired into my body when I was born. That soul will endure, and it will bear witness to what I did in this life. My lifelong struggle is to rise above my ego in order to purify my soul and to return it to its rightful owner in a pristine, factory-perfect condition.

If I look around me and if I reflect deeply on my life, I will find that I have so much to be thankful for. And that’s really all that my Benefactor wants from me: To say thank you; to acknowledge Him and to show my gratitude through big and small acts of kindness to others.  This is what ‘worship’ actually means in Islam. It’s not about growing a long beard and wearing holy robes, praying in the mosque all day. Worship is about translating God’s love into actions that benefit others. Muslims call their benefactor Allah, but you may call Him God, or Deus, or Yahweh, or whatever Holy Name you choose. Allah is not the god of Muslims only. It’s the Arabic name for God and it’s important to know that if you read the Arabic Bible, you’ll find that Christian Arabs also worship Allah.

Muslims are told that life is a gift, that everything we have is a gift, on loan, on trust. We have an awesome responsibility to discharge that trust faithfully. So, instead living in a ‘me’ centred universe, instead of banging on about our rights and demanding more and more, we should be taking responsibility: taking responsibility for ourselves, for our families, taking responsibility for our communities. We should be eagerly serving others and adding value to our society and we should work hard also to protect our natural environment.

To put it simply, Islam teaches me to look at the world in 3 dimensions. There’s a lot of hype about 3D films and 3D TV these days, but that’s something else. As a Muslim, I do not just see myself and the world out there in a 2-dimensional way, me and everything around me. That’s not all that there is. I must be constantly aware of a Reality that lies beyond the threshold of our five senses. I must be constantly aware of God, aware of Allah’s watchful, loving and merciful presence. It’s me and everything out there, AND Allah watching over all his creatures. It’s a kind of triangulation, a 3-dimensional relationship. Even though I cannot see Allah, I know Allah sees me. He observes my interaction with others. This is the essence of my faith. And this is the bedrock of all my relationships: with people, with animals and plants, with the earth that nourishes us, the water we drink and the air we breathe. Islam promotes a strong environmental ethic.

A caring attitude will earn me my Lord’s good pleasure, and it will improve and add value to all my relationships.

At the human level Islam teaches me not to fear diversity but to accept it as a sign of God’s infinite creativity and artistry. We are all like flowers in God’s garden. We are beautiful each in our own way. We must learn to accept our differences and celebrate our common humanity.

To show kindness to other people and to respect other religions is a way of showing courtesy to God. This is the essence of inter-personal relationships in Islam. The Holy Quran tells us in a very inspiring verse:

“O mankind, I have created you from a single pair of a male and a female, and I made you into nations and tribes, so that you may know and respect one another, not that you should despise one another. Surely, the most honoured of you in the sight of Allah are those who are best in good conduct. And Allah is well aware of all things.”  [sura Al Hujurat Ch49v13]

To sum up, remember the universal ethic of reciprocity, the bedrock of all true faith, of desiring for others what we desire for ourselves. Let us be the first to take responsibility, be the first to love and the first to forgive. We owe it to our children and to future generations.

Thank you all for listening so patiently.