Loving our Parents.

Arshad Gamiet/Royal Holloway College/Univ. of London /UK. 27^th August 1999.

Al hamdu lillahi rabbil ‘alameen. Was salaatu was salaamu ‘alaa ashrafil mursaleen. Sayidinaa wa nabi’na wamoulanaa Muhammadin wa’ala aalihee wa sahbihee wasallim.

My Dear Brothers and Sisters in Islam,

Our khutbah today is about loving our parents. It is based on a Khutbah written by Rashard Jedaar in South Africa. I can see that in our congregation here today, we have a number of young people, so perhaps this topic might be of special interest to them. But what ever our age, loving our parents applies to everybody. Each and every one of us was a child at some time, and we will have our own unique memories of childhood, of the important part our mother and father played in it. While they are still alive we owe them our duty of love, care, and respect. And if Alláh has already reclaimed them to Himself, we owe them remembrance in our prayers, with deep love and gratitude. We also need to keep alive the memory of the love and sacrifice they showed us when we were young, and helpless.

Islam ranks our parents so highly, that only obedience to Alláh and His Prophet, come before love and obedience to our parents.

The Holy Qur’án says, in Sura Al-Isrá’ [ch 17 v 23]:

"Your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him and that you be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in your life say not to them a word of contempt nor repel them but address them in terms of honour. And out of kindness lower to them the wing of humility and say: "My Lord! bestow on them Your Mercy even as they cherished me in childhood."

O Muslims, The way we treat others, so shall we be treated. We can see this by looking around and reflecting on the successes and failures of others. Clearly, those who sow good seeds reap goodness; and those who sow evil only reap sorrow. The reward for good deeds can only be good, and the reward for bad deeds can only bring us closer to self-destruction.

Brothers and sisters in Islam! Who has the most right to our hearts, to our love and respect? Who deserves most, to hear our words of kindness, and appreciation? Our parents, of course! A mother's love for her child is a du'ah, an invocation for the wellbeing of her child. It is through her love that her child learns to crawl, to walk, to speak, to relate to others in the community. Surely we can offer our mothers and our fathers, companionship, words of comfort and appreciation! Abu Huraira narrates that a man once approached our Nabi and asked:

From this Hadíth we can see, how highly we should regard our mothers. Can we ever repay the time and effort, the years loving care and attention our mother gave to us? Has she not sacrificed her health and her wealth to rear us to maturity? Did she ever complain when she had to feed, to clean and clothe us? No, she served us with love! How young and beautiful was she then ? How healthy and energetic? Today she may be grey and wrinkled not only with age, but from endless hours, days and years of hard work and sacrifice as mother. Love deserves love! Allah reminds us in the inspiring words of the Holy Qur'an, Sura Al-Ahqáf, 46:15:

When we were ill, she suffered with us, fearful that some misfortune might befall us. In her worry and anxiety she would cry and beseech Allah to restore us to good health and grant us a long and prosperous life. In the same way, too, a good deed from us, brings joy to her heart, but when we do something wrong, it fills her heart with disappointment and tears stream down her cheeks. Love deserves love!

Remember, :"Paradise, Al-Jannah lies at the feet of your Mother."

…[PAUSE]…

Besides our mother no one deserves our love, our respect, our kindness and our bounty more than our father. It is he, together with our mother, who makes up the parental team. Fathers work hard to provide for the family’s needs. As leaders of the home, they teach us what will benefit us, materially and spiritually. Let us take care not to display any animosity or unkindness towards our fathers, for then, one day, our children will treat us in like manner. A famous Muslim philosopher once told his son on his death-bed:

"My son, do not forget to visit the graves of your parents, for it will not be long when you, too, will be carried to the same place where they are. And when you visit them at any time, read what you are able to from the Holy Qur'an, and send it as a present to their souls. O my son, why have you been so disobedient? Why have you shut yourself from your parents? What was their crime against you? Was it a crime to rejoice when you had done a good deed? Was it a crime to find the world becoming dark before us when we heard of your evil or wrong actions? Was it a crime to have shouldered a burden as heavy as a mountain when you were ill? Was it a crime when we wished to bear your pains rather than to see you suffer? To what extremes did we not resort to restore your health? If a certain part of your body had been needed to restore your health, your mother would not have hesitated to cut it off from her own body. The very evening your mother was buried you forgot what she had done for you. When you inherited the house, you forgot what sacrifices we had made to acquire it. Surely you are going to follow us tomorrow just as we shall follow our parents. And you shall regret your ill treatment of us just as we regretted ill-treating our parents. My son, I strongly implore you: accept these last few words of mine, then, perhaps, you shall gain the mercy of your Lord, Alláh SWT; and remember, your children shall also become parents."

Second Khutbah:

Sub’ hanallahi wal hamdu lillah, wala hawla wala quwwata illah billah yu althi yual theem

Dear Brothers and Sisters in Islam,

Not every parent is a model mother or father. We all have our strength and our weakness. Our parents are the same. Sometimes we forget that they, too, are only human. But we should not love them any less for that. Islam forbids us to be rude, sarcastic, and abusive or hurt their feelings in any way. As in all relationships, if we must draw attention to any faults, we should do so in the kindest and most loving manner.

[pause]

Obedience to parents is always subject to the laws of Islam. Sometimes, just sometimes, a mother or father may expect or demand or do something that Alláh disapproves of. In such cases, as painful as it may be, we must obey Alláh rather than our parents.

In Sura Nisá v135, the Qur’án says:

"O you who believe! Stand out firmly for justice as witnesses to Allah even as against yourselves or your parents or your family and whether it be (against) rich or poor: for Allah can best protect both. Follow not the lusts (of your hearts) lest you swerve and if you distort (justice) or decline to do justice verily Allah is well-acquainted with all that you do."

Fortunately, most of us have parents who love Alláh and who love Islam, and would therefore be unlikely to do or demand from us, anything that displeases Alláh. Occasions like this would be rare and exceptional. We all owe a great deal to our mothers and fathers, who have set a good example for us, and nurtured us in childhood with a love for Islam that grew with us into our adult years.

O Muslims, let us worship Alláh alone, and strive to please our parents. This will guarantee our happiness in Dunya and Akhira. Rasúlullah SAW reminded us: "The satisfaction of Allah lies in the satisfaction of your parents, and the wrath of Allah lies in the displeasure of your parents."

It is reported that a young man once complained to the Prophet that his father was taking his money. The Prophet summoned the father. An old man, leaning heavily on his walking-stick, made his appearance. When asked if, what the son complained about was true, the old man stared long at the Prophet and softly replied, "O Apostle of Allah, my son used to be weak and I strong; he used to be poor and I rich, and what I had in my possession I spent for his wellbeing. Today I am poor and weak and my son cannot afford to spend even a small amount on me!" The Prophet was overwhelmed by this and a tear rolled from his eye as he spoke: "There is no stone or any hard object but cries when he hears such sentiments expressed. You (young man) and all your property belong to your parents." Twice the Prophet repeated this sentence.

On another occasion a son came to complain about his mother's strong temper. "Did she have a strong temper when she bore you ?" the Prophet asked. Did she have a strong temper when she spent numerous night sleepless, suckling and guarding you when you were ill, going out of her way to feed you ?"The young man replied that he had already rewarded her for all her actions by carrying her on his back while they were on Pilgrimage to Makkah. The Prophet looked at the son and replied: "My son, (you have done a noble deed) but you can never repay one single drop of milk which your mother gave you."

Let our young people, our boys and girls take special note of today's lessons. Your education, which starts in the home, is not complete unless you honour and obey your educators, your parents. Remember, that after Alláh, you must love and obey your parents.

Dear brothers and sisters

I have personal experience of the power of a mother’s love, which I would like to share with you today.

When I was a mere boy of 13, my father died suddenly, after a long legal battle with the old South African racist regime. On the day of his Janázah, we returned from the cemetery, to find government officials waiting for us. They had a Court Order, and seized our home and all our possessions. On that same day our dear mother was left homeless and penniless with her 6 children, aged from 14 to just 3 years. She was then a healthy and attractive woman of 34, Several proposals of marriage were refused, because she feared that a stepfather may not love her children like their own dear father did. Our mother sacrificed her own needs for the sake of her children. She went back to work and single-handedly raised us, and sent us though high school and university. What we lacked in money and material possessions, Alhamdulillah, we were blessed with tons of Mother’s love and Imán. I am very grateful to Alláh, for giving me such a courageous Mother, who taught me that Faith and Trust in Alláh, can move mountains. By the Mercy and Grace of Alláh, she is with us today, and we her children can try to show our gratitude and love.

May Alláh bless my mother and my late father, and may Alláh bless the mother and father of every one of us here, in dunya and akhira, Ameen!

Let us pray to Alláh, that he should grant our mothers and fathers, a very special place in Jannah. They cared for us and nurtured us with love and Imán, when we were helpless little children. And they continued to pray for us, when we became adults with children of our own. May Alláh help our own children, to continue this cycle of loving care and respect for their parents, so that the cycle may repeat from one generation to the next. May Alláh grant all of us, His Love, His Mercy, and Forgiveness for our sins and for our human frailties. May Alláh allow us all to move ever closer to him in our thoughts, our words and our actions.

Ameen!                     Aqeemus salaah!

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